Counselling, coaching and psychotherapy by Kat Marlow in Market Harborough   Get a call back       Save contact

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Positive Change Coaching & Counselling

5 days ago

Here's a conversation I frequently have with exhausted and burned out clients.
Me: so what do you do to relax and recharge your batteries?
Client: oh no, I don't have time for that ... I have so much to do to make sure everyone is ok
Me: Who's making sure you're ok?
Client: ......
Often we are so busy taking care of others needs that we forget about our own, and because we always appear to be busy getting on and doing, other people forget that we need time to rest and recharge ourselves. And maybe you do have people to take care of and commitments to deliver against, but you can only do your best when you are at your best, and being at your best requires you to be well nourished, well hydrated, well rested and getting your own needs met in a healthy, balanced way. You're no use to anyone (least of all yourself) if you're on the verge of breakdown. I'll leave you with this analogy to consider: when you fly, you will notice little laminated cards in the back of the seat in front with instructions regarding what to do if the cabin looses pressure during flight. The little yellow masks drop down from the ceiling for you to put on so that you can breathe. When travelling with young or vulnerable passengers you are instructed to put your own mask on first before helping anyone else ... it's a good principle to apply to life in general. Are you putting your own mask on and if not, what can you do to make that change? ... See MoreSee Less

Positive Change Coaching & Counselling

6 days ago

Anxiety is something I'm talking about a lot with clients at the moment, particularly linked to not feeling in control; for several weeks we've been told where we should be (- at home!), who we can see ( - just the people we live with), where we can go ( - within close proximity to where we live for limited exercise and to buy necessary items) and to a certain extent, what we can do ( - whatever you like so long as you do it at home and only in the company of other members of your own household). Things are lifting a little now, and some people are returning to work, but even here, as individuals, it doesn't feel like we have control - some may want to return to work but are being told they can't, whereas others are being told they have to return to work, but don't feel safe yet! Being able to make our own choices is a basic human need, and when that need is challenged, as it is at the moment, we will experience greater levels of anxiety, frustration and even anger as we struggle to get what we need. So I encourage you to come back to what you can do, no matter how small because there are still things that you have a choice about - do this, and you'll feel less drawn to the things you can't change, and be more in control of the things you can. ... See MoreSee Less

Positive Change Coaching & Counselling

1 week ago

We're coming to the end of Mental Health Awareness week 2020 and this year it's been all about kindness. Earlier this week, I encouraged you all to practice not only kindness to others, but probably more importantly, kindness towards yourself. Self-kindness is a form of nourishment. If it helps, think of yourself as a house plant ... if a plant is struggling to thrive, we don't punish the plant for not doing well. (Hopefully) We first look at it's environment; is it in the right location? is it not getting enough water / getting too much? does it need a bigger pot? maybe some fresh compost or a dose of plant food? Maybe we need to prune away some of the dead wood to allow fresh growth. We certainly wouldn't criticize the plant at it's failure to flourish. And if you can show that level of kindness to a pot plant ... surely that's the very least that you can show to yourself. Ask yourself, is your environment healthy? Are you staying hydrated? Are you eating a healthy diet? Are there people or things in your life that are holding you back or changes that you need to make? The last one can be the most challenging and if you're finding yourself struggling with this one, it might be worth a conversation with a professional who can help you gain clarity and figure out what it is you really need. Do you allow yourself to experience kindness from yourself first? You deserve to flourish, not just to survive - can you make the commitment to yourself to be (self) kind? #mentalhealthawareness2020 #selfkind #nourishtoflourish #positivechangeforever ... See MoreSee Less

Positive Change Coaching & Counselling

1 week ago

For those wanting to access counselling this local charity are extending their service to a broader range of clients, including NHS workers - 6 sessions covered per application.There are alot of people struggling at the moment. Uncertain times are causing more anxiety and depression. Please know we are here to help. We have grants available for counselling. We have extended our grants to include NHS and care workers. Please dont suffer in silence. We can help. All fully confidential. ... See MoreSee Less

Positive Change Coaching & Counselling

2 weeks ago

I’d like to continue with the idea of being kind to ourselves as part of Mental Health Awareness week and look particularly at the things we say to ourselves. We all have an internal personal commentary that plays in our heads pretty much all of the time, whether we realise it or not. It provides a frame for how we experience life, and the words that we use can make a huge difference to how we feel about ourselves, our achievements, and our place in the world. Just take a moment to notice what’s running in your own personal commentary – imagine that you had planned to do something for a friend, and for whatever reason you didn’t get that thing done. What’s the first thing that pops into your head? Is it, “oh, I meant to do that thing today and I haven’t managed to. I’ll let my friend know I didn’t get it done today and I’ve made it my top priority for tomorrow” or do you think “oh no, I’m such an idiot / bad friend … I should have done that thing and I didn’t … I can’t be trusted to do anything right, I don’t know why anyone would let me to do things for them when I will only let them down?” And looking at those two different responses, how do each of them make you feel? The first might be acceptance that we don’t always achieve what we set out to, and motivation to do better tomorrow. The second feels really unpleasant, negative and bullying; We would feel hurt and even angry if someone else said it to us … and yet we will accept it when we tell it to ourselves – that doesn’t make sense does it?
Our internal commentary is often based on what we heard other people telling us during periods of our lives when we are particularly impressionable or vulnerable; as children if we hear negative things about ourselves, regardless of whether or not they are true, we my come to believe them without question and we will use them as the basis for our own internal barometer of goodness throughout our life. Likewise, if we experience times in our lives where we are bullied or abused, this can call into question our own sense of self-goodness and can cause us to become more negative or critical of ourselves. And it can very quickly become a pattern of behaviour that we are barely even aware of but may result in us feeling less confident, depressed and anxious and unwilling to do new things.
So, I challenge you to pay attention to your internal commentary. What do you say to yourself? Would you say those things to your child? Your partner? Your best friend? And if the answer is no, why is it ok to say them to yourself. And if in doing so you realise that what you say is very negative, make a commitment to change it – when you find yourself using negative self-talk, look for a different way to frame the message that is kinder, more accepting and more positive.
Creating a more positive internal commentary isn’t about pretending we’re amazing and refusing to see our flaws. Instead, it’s about being able to recognise the reality of ourselves and our surroundings, accept our mistakes or our limitations and make the best of who and what we are. Negativity traps us and prevents us from doing anything new or different – kindness allows us the opportunity to learn and to grow. I challenge you to be kind in what you say to both yourself and others, and see what you notice as a result. ... See MoreSee Less